next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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