She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
