I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize