Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
