we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
