Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
