You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
