Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
