dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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