do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
