My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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