I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
