Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
