Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
