don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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