Already got asked if we're dating
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
