Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
