I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
