Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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