It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
