8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize