omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
