I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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