I seem to have left my pride at pride
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
