we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
