North Korea, Best Korea!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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