I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
