It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
