I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
