I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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