Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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