We're facebook friends in real life
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
