The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize