I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
