i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
