it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
