Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
