She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
