I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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