Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
