dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I looked at my own cervix.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
