Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
