you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize