I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
