You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
