if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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