Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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