Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
