My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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