I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
