If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
