The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
