his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
