Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
