Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
