I'm eating all of the evidence.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
