let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
