I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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