what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
