I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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