your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
