I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
