the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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