Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
