So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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