We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
