I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
