bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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