I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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